Forgiveness and anger

Dear God,

Help me to forgive Melissa. Help me to let go of my anger even though I feel it is justified. It is your place to judge, not mine.

Why am I so angry?

I am angry for all the ways she hurt Ash and Avian with her selfishness.

I am angry that she allowed Derwin to hurt the kids.

I am angry that she let her relationship with a man take precedence over her kids.

I am angry that I can see ways the hurt has impacted Ash even though she doesn't remember.

I am angry that being the every day mom, the only mom, didn't give me the right to keep Ash and Avian when Melissa decided she wanted them back for her own selfish reasons.

I am angry that I had to try to protect the kids from the hurt she was inflicting and she never has had to suffer the consequences of her actions.

I am angry that it's just not fair!

I am angry that if I am honest with Ash, she is hurt and upset with me.

I am angry that we lost Avian.

I am angry that we almost lost Ash.

I am angry that Saanna, Payton and Ash were hurt when Melissa took Avian from us.

I am angry that Payton was hurt when we had to let Ash go.

I am angry that I could not be enough.

I am angry that Ash cried out in her sleep for the mom who left her.

I am still so angry and I have such a hard place in my heart for Melissa. How can I not be angry? My kids still suffer the effects of her disregard.

Lord, please help me let go of this anger and forgive Melissa. Not because I want to, because part of me does not. Help me to forgive her because you want me to. Help me let go of all this hurt and anger, stone by stone. Help me to be a better mother, to all of my kids, by showing them what wounds your love can heal.

Lord, I know this is a tiny, baby step, but I am trying. Please carry me, like you always do. Show me the path.

Thank you. I love you.

Eeka