Connection

Dear Jesus,

 I need help. I don't know how to connect with you. I can go through the motions and do all the things, but at the end of the day, I still don't feel you. I HAVE felt you and I know you have worked miracles in my life.  The fact that I am alive and walking is a testament to you. The fact that I had two healthy babies after losing four, is only through your grace.  But I feel empty. What am I doing wrong? I see people who are just busting at the seams with their love for you. With joy at your presence. Why can't I feel that again? Why is it lost? Livi used to have that connection too, but she doesn't feel it anymore, either. How can I help her find that joy in you, when I can't find you?

 I know you won't let me down, because you never have, but I don't know when you'll come through. I know it's not my place to understand your timing but it leaves me drifting and I don't know what to hang on to.

I keep walking and moving forward and hoping I am doing the right things. I can't see how my life brings you glory.  I understand that to be our purpose, to bring you glory. That will draw others to you and create things bigger than me.

 I know I need to be painting. I feel that pull all the time. Please show me how to fund my painting and where to find the time.  Maybe that is where I would find my connection. I always feel you strongest when I am writing or creating. You made me to create. I guess I learned it from watching you. Now I just need to start taking those steps.

Thank you for this time today. Thank you for calming my fears and soothing my heart.

Show me how to share this prayer with someone who needs it.

Love,

Eeka